Friday Chews

No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.

Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Elizabeth Taylor (1932 - )

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

Pat Paulsen

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Click here for an article worth some discussion. More than discussion, really.

I'll take a stab at it

My dear cousin in Canada sent me a link to this Associated Press article yesterday. I’m not sure if this is legal, but since it is short, I am reprinting it below. Feel free to go to msnbc.com and read it for yourself too.

Police: Dad stabs son for wearing hat in church
Son stabbed in buttock after dispute; arrest pending for 58-year-old father

BALTIMORE - A 58-year-old man stabbed his teenage son after he refused to take off his hat at church earlier in the day, police said.

The father and his 19-year-old son got into an argument on Sunday afternoon, police said. That's when police said the father went to a car, got a knife and stabbed his son in the left buttock and fled.

The son was taken to University of Maryland Medical Center for treatment. The father's name was withheld pending his arrest.

I used to talk about the 90 Day Probationary Period that churches seem to have. We love when “sinners” come through the door, but said sinners have about 90 days in the shadow of our steeples to shape up. When they refuse (i.e. ask hard questions, have a differing perspective or struggle with problems) the phrases used go something like, “He just doesn’t want to help himself, so we can’t help him” or “She is becoming a distraction to the rest of the church family” or “Is the church supposed to tolerate sin? I don’t think so!”

Here’s the thing. I wonder if we sometimes classify behaviors or questions that make us uncomfortable as “sin.” Admit it - we have a serious subculture going on in the church – complete with our own language, tribal gear and hierarchy (and boy can we define 'reverence'). We expect people to fit in to our schema, and the sooner the better. Please use our phrases, please be pleasant in the narthex and don’t ever, ever wear a hat in the sanctuary. God would not be pleased.

One Sunday a couple of years ago, the youth band at our church got up to lead worship in their bare feet. Afterward, I almost lost my mind as people logged their criticisms instead of rejoicing at the number of young people serving and participating.

Traditions and preferences are important, but not when they thwart the true mission of the church. And certainly not if they cause you to stab your offspring.

Blaming Gaming

I picked one of my sons up from school this week. I saw him walk toward the car talking with his buddy, but as soon as he opened the door and saw his Mom, his eyes welled up with tears.

Every year, the gym teacher at his school pulls 10 names out of a hat to participate in a March Madness basketball tournament. The grade level team plays against the other elementary school teams, and it is a pretty big deal for the kids. My oldest son was selected when he was 10, and his younger brother had been looking forward to his chance for 2 years.

Needless to say, J.J.’s name was not pulled out of the hat, and he was disappointed. Very disappointed.

As we drove to our house though, I noticed something begin to happen. J.J. began to wonder if the selection process was fixed, if the teacher’s pets were chosen and he started to come up with all sorts of malevolent reasons behind his being overlooked.

I listened for a minute, but gently reminded him that sometimes random things happen. Yes, they are disappointing, but they are nobody’s fault. When we got home, I hugged him for a very long time in the kitchen and told him how sorry I was that things had not worked out the way he planned. I assured him that there was nothing random about my love for him.

Isn’t it fascinating how we feel the urge to blame? Not only when unfortunate circumstances occur, but especially when we legitimately fail on our own. The process of simply absorbing and embracing the disappointment or sorrow is not our first choice for some reason, but I suspect we need to practice.

Refuse to blame today. Don’t blame others, don’t blame God. Hug your mother (find a safe place) and feel the pain. You’ll live to dribble another day and you won’t have been unfair or unkind to someone else in the process.

And justice for all

Did you happen to read this story on Monday about the three Chinese students who died in Ohio? Take a second to read it, and come on back. Be sure to read it in its entirety.

I was absolutely heart broken when I first read the details of this tragedy. Then I clicked here to see the images of the jurors hugging the students’ parents and I thought I would need another box of tissues. How does something like this happen? How is it, that years later, this suffering has not been eased?

Where is the Church? These are the very kinds of moments and spaces and places that we are called to enter, and this article should be liitered with references to Christians and churches offering aid. But perhaps we are currently too busy being upset about the references to gays and lesbians during the Oscar telecast.

Hear me out, even though I will undoubtedly upset some of you. What does God’s justice constitute? Yes, God’s Word is true. No, it does not return to Him void, but what does it really mean to defend it?

Quoting Scripture against sin amounts to nothing, if we aren’t living it against heartache. Is there any chance that God's justice is better realized by collectively assuming the debt of 6 Chinese mourners rather than being collectively disgusted with Sean Penn?

Fashion hangover

Pretty tired after celebrating my Oscar win all night. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Friday Chews

Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell, I wish to run a rescue mission within a yard of hell.

C.T. Studd

Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.

Samuel Butler

I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed.

Frank Deford

Click here for a story that will knock you off your cookies.

Moving toward loveliness

A couple of posts ago, I so appreciated the honesty that Todd shared in his comment. Here’s what he wrote:

I don’t think this is the first time you’ve blogged about 1 Corinthians 13. This is a tough passage because it’s the kind that reminds us just how far from perfection we really are. (Maybe I’m just talking about myself here.) Clearly there is no value in acting out of insincere motives, i.e. we shouldn’t give in order to receive. Anyway, I’m interpreting the passage to mean that love is THE barometer of maturity. If this is true, I’m a little worried because there seems to be a link between love and feelings/motivation/drive. And for me, I frequently have to act out of obedience, not necessarily insincere motives, but not necessarily love either. I’m hoping there’s some love in obedience, but I’m not feeling it.

So, how do we start moving towards genuine love – the kind that requires obedience but is supported by heart feelings and motivation?

I suspect there is a work that God wants to do within us that makes space for His real love. If we are honest, we are filled up with other stuff, aren’t we? Because of the assault/withdrawal that we have either experienced or participated in (see yesterday’s post) we are not functioning all that well, and we find ourselves living from a defensive posture. Defending our perspectives, defending our choices, defending our practices (often this is completely internal) – and as we spend monumental amounts of time ascertaining how we are affected by the world around us – we develop habits to protect our assumptions.

Let’s start with a simple one. Who wants to look good to others? We all do, right? Unfortunately, however, we spend so much time and energy either creating scenarios to improve our standing or expending effort to hide what will make us look bad, that it becomes a way of life. Sometimes, we are so entrenched in the upkeep that we are unaware of the truth that there is another way to live.

There is.

As we abandon defensiveness, pretense begins to vanish from our lives, making room for something genuine – genuine love. Without the constant burden of defending ourselves, we can extend blessing and redemption to others.

Abandoning defensiveness is a group effort – you, me and God. God offers us His Grace, we offer grace to one another, and as I’ve said over a thousand times on this blog, GRACE MAKES PEOPLE FEEL SAFE. SAFE PEOPLE ARE SECURE ENOUGH TO CHANGE AND BE CHANGED.

And here’s where the motivation comes in. As a Christian, I am motivated to be vulnerable first. Knowing fully that I may get hurt or disappointed or ridiculed, I still refuse to become defensive. Why? Well, because since I am a follower of Jesus, I am defined by Him and Him alone. If I live bathed in His grace, there's nothing to defend. I am then motivated to see His kingdom come on Earth as it is in Heaven, when the world will know the peace, safety, grace and LOVE that comes from knowing Him, and everyone can lay their armor down.

Besides, I’m not really going first. Jesus already paved the defenseless way…

Lovelessness

Sometimes you have to go backward to see ahead. Today, let’s talk about lovelessness instead of love itself. Hopefully, a look at the wrong will help us with the right.

There is a book that I highly recommend entitled, Renovation of the Heart in Daily Practice, by Dallas Williard. Dr. Williard writes this about lovelessness in it:

Sin in our social dimension takes two forms of lovelessness: assault (attack) and withdrawal (distancing). If spiritual formation in Christ is to succeed, the power of assault and withdrawal must be broken so they are eliminated as indwelling realities or as postures we take toward others. They also must be successfully disarmed as they come toward us. They must be eliminated in our social environment - family or household, those with whom we work or play, our community – but especially in the fellowship of Christ’s followers.

We assault others when we act against what is good for them, even with their consent….We withdraw from others when we are indifferent to their well-being or perhaps even despise them. We “don’t care.” Withdrawal is usually a form of assaulting those we withdraw from. And assault usually involves distancing ourselves as well.

Spiritual formation in Christ will mean becoming persons who would not (and therefore do not) assault others. A verbal assault (which can be done in refined as well as brutal ways – we speak of a “cutting remark”) is specifically designed to hurt its object and to inflict loss of respect in a person’s own eyes and before others. Many people never recover from a particular verbal assault, harassment, or degrading treatment….But withdrawal also wounds. The tongue can assault by withdrawal, by not speaking.

As assault and withdrawal are eliminated, the social area of our lives becomes what God intended: constant mutual blessing. Every contact with a human being should be one of goodwill and respect, with a readiness to make way for the other in suitable ways.

We’re not going to get to the depths of this in one post, but even if we just think about our own tendencies - do I attack or withdraw or both? – it would be a start. Be sure and see the subtleties as well – simply being indifferent to someone’s well-being is lovelessness. Love PROMOTES good, it doesn’t just cease hostilities. In other words, it is far more than doing no harm.

I heart real love

I heard a great sermon on Sunday, and I thought I would share some of what I have been thinking about since. The sermon was based on 1 Corinthians 13 – perhaps one of the most well known pieces of Scripture ever – especially if you’ve ever been to a Christian wedding! It goes like this:

1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (NLT)

So, why is LOVE important?

Without it, all I SAY is ineffective. “If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” Did you ever encounter someone that may have good things to say, but the way they say them made it impossible to hear? It happens in the church all the time, because we can speak religious words, but if love is not the foundation of our lives, we can actually be destructive instead of holy.

Without love, all that I KNOW is incomplete. “If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge… but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.” People don’t want a know-it-all, they want a love-it-all. Love makes people safe enough to learn.

Without love, all I BELIEVE is insufficient. “…and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.” This truth is one of the hardest for Christians to grasp, because, frankly, our belief doesn’t count if it’s not based on love. Ouch. You mean, it may be more that reciting a “Sinner’s Prayer?”

Without love, all I GIVE is insignificant. “If I gave everything I have to the poor… but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.” This particular verse should cause a real heart check, because often we think that giving is loving. But the motives behind giving are sneaky sometimes – we can actually give for self-seeking reasons or out of obligation – and a regular searching of our hearts is in order.

Without love, all I ACCOMPLISH is inadequate. “If I…even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.” Yes, love acts, but Paul is telling us that even martyrs can have incorrect intentions. I think, today, we can work and work and work for God (whether inside or outside the church) but often we accomplish things as a part of striving, not as a reflection of what God has done for us. Understanding what drives us it critical.

I am going to work through some of these ideas more in depth this week. In essence, I am going to think out loud as I process what this means for myself. I may not get it all right, but I hope you’ll join me anyway, because REAL LOVE is hard to resist. And, honestly, who would want to?

Just between us

This kingdom journey that we’re on, if we are Christians, is profoundly social. Anyone who says, “My spiritual life is private. It’s just between me and God,” deeply misunderstands both God and himself/herself. God is in Himself a sweet society of love where Three Persons complete a social matrix. AND Jesus gave us a sure mark of our spiritual formation by saying, “Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.” The nature of God, and His people who are made in His image, is inherently communal.

I was talking to an old friend this weekend, one who I used to see every day, but now only catch a glimpse of occasionally. We were mourning the loss of one another and of the community we once shared. When God cements people together, He means it, and there is a very real grieving that follows a loss.

What I am more concerned with, though, is not the changing or shifting of relationships – that is part of life – but I fear the idea that some of us have that we do not need each other to be formed spiritually. You are critical to my life with God, and I am critical to yours. What an awesome responsibility and privilege we have as we encourage one another!

This truth extends to our need for church. I have a friend who is disillusioned with the church and always says to me, “Wendy, I can find God far more easily out in the woods walking by myself than in a pew on Sunday morning.”

Hear me out on this. I do believe that there are destructive churches out there – ones that have damaged and terribly hurt people. I am deeply sorry if this is the way you feel, and I apologize for unloving Christians. Sometimes we just don’t get it. I also believe that the smells and sights and sounds of nature are a great way to experience the Creator and His genius.

On the flip side, though, God uses community to refine and renew us - to TRANSFORM us. The gathering of people (i.e. church) is one of the ways that God speaks and teaches and comforts and reveals Himself. But we need to submit to community.

We really do need each other and we really do need church. You can help God smooth out my rough edges and prickly parts. I’d love to do the same for you.

Friday Chews

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

--Jackie Mason (1934 - )

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

--Niels Bohr (1885 - 1962)

The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.

--Henry Kissinger (1923 - )

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

--George Carlin (1937 - 2008) For Larry.

Click here and read what everyone is gabbing about this week. Any thoughts?

Ready....set....tea

Last week, I noticed something. Yes, just one thing.

My kids and I were out and about, and I marveled at the number of times my youngest, Mia, is instructed to, “Hurry up.”

When my kids were small, Noah was very good about holding his sister’s hand in parking lots, etc. but would always pull her along saying, “Hurry up!”

When her brothers are playing in the driveway or yard with her, since she is smaller, she is always a step behind. After the crack of the bat you can often hear, “Hurry up!” as she chugs along the bases.

Some evenings, we rush through dinner on our way to a game or practice. Mia likes to bring along books and activities to occupy herself. The rest of us sit in the car while she collects her things yelling, “Hurry up!” even though we only gave her a few scant minutes to get ready to go.

And shower time! She generously volunteers to jump in first as her brothers watch T.V. or something, but then is told to, “Hurry up,” because bedtime is fast approaching.

I was the oldest child in my family, so I was born in a hurry, but Mia is always keeping up.

My littler sister was telling me on Monday about some of the Invisible Children (from Africa) who were brought to the U.S. for educational opportunities. I have not seen the follow-up movie myself yet, but she told me that they talk of how fast paced our lifestyle is, and how they have found themselves becoming frantic to keep up – financially and educationally. Even though they were given “opportunities” when they arrived (subsidized housing, entrance to community college, manual labor jobs, etc) the young men lament their inability to go to school because they are required to work beyond full-time just to support their new life in the U.S. – and that was just rent and groceries!

We need to think about ourselves, don’t we? I suppose arguments against slowing down could be made. Is it our drive that makes us the most innovative nation in the world?

And yet, the benefits of pacing ourselves outweigh the rest. Don’t they?

What are we truly gaining or giving up by maintaining or rejecting our intensity? Is it even practical to ponder slowing down, or would it then be impossible to survive in our culture?

Maybe we could start with afternoon tea...

Sportin' a faith

We've talked about Christian athletes on this blog before. A friend sent me an interesting article yesterday. Click here and have a read - then come on back. There is so much fodder here to discuss, it's hard to know where to start.

The writer's perspective?

The "science" of faith?

Self-control and discipline a product of what?

American evangelism?

Sheesh. Any thoughts?

A litmus life

I understand the idea of New Year’s resolutions, and I know why we make them at the beginning of a new year. I suspect, however, that we should rethink the whole deal here in the east. Perhaps we should make “Mid-May Resolutions” – find a time of year when it is easier to stick to that “extra outdoor walking” that we committed ourselves to. It has been too cold to move here in Philadelphia.

Since we are past January, perhaps many of us have given up on those whispered promises we made at 11:37 pm on December 31. I made two, which I am happy to report are still in the works (one being the use of a day timer). When the dentist’s office called last week to remind me of my appointment, it was the first time in years that I already knew before I answered the phone.

One thing I did differently this year is put more accountability into my life. I have had accountability in the past, but I always chose girlfriends that let me off the hook too easily if I gave up or failed. I handily chose these friends over and over. Not this year.

I am accountable to my agent for writing (deadlines, ugh). I am accountable to a friend for eating. I am accountable to my children for the day timer thing (believe me, children REMEMBER to check on you). Basically, I chose real litmus people – people who love me, but also hound me with the truth.

It’s hard to have a litmus life. It would be far easier to whisper promises to myself so that when I am unsuccessful, no one knows but me or to have secret dreams that I never share, so that I can stay afraid to try. Submitting to community is far more difficult than living with just me, because I seem to always let myself off the hook.

Find a truth-teller. They hurt, but they’re worth it.

Outrage

Let me just begin by stating that I have no doubt that I am about to offend some of you. BUT this is my blog, and you are free to comment in any way you’d like, so I think things are fair.

On Saturday, I was driving in my town. We have a Pets Plus store on Broad Street, and outside were a group of puppy mill protestors with picket signs. It was a pretty cold morning, so I was tempted to admire their commitment.

But the more I thought about it, the more incredulous their fervor seemed. Now I like dogs too, but when I began to consider the children dying without vaccines and the women and children who are sold into sex slavery and the desperation of real poverty, I started to wonder why someone would spend a Saturday outside a pet store.

Then I considered what I was doing. Running errands, picking my son up from a sleepover, doing laundry – who was I to be outraged by the puppy mill people? They at least had chosen to stand up for something that day.

I have always struggled with real life vs. radical life. I clearly understand that writing a check is not enough, but sometimes injustices are so far away that they begin to seem unreal. Sharing in suffering is what fosters both compassion and passion – the kind that would stand in the cold to raise awareness.

As usual, I have no answers. Should we all be selling our possessions and moving to Africa to dig wells?

Maybe so.

Friday Chews

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

- H. H. Williams

The easiest relationship kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one.

- Joan Baez

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

Click here for the article of the week. Funny.

Dancing with disappointment

So, Noah is going to his first school formal on Friday night – a Valentine’s Dance. We went shopping last night for the perfect duds, and a teddy bear for the girl. He looked so handsome – even in the dressing room! Then we laughed as we realized that since Dad is in Palm Springs, we would have to have Grandpa come over to tie his tie!!

Before the shopping spree, JJ and I had a dentist appointment. The hygienist talked while she worked on my teeth, telling me that her 20something daughter has “strayed away” from the church. I listened to her pain, but several of her statements gave me questions. For instance, she said, “My daughter is proof that you can do everything right and your children can still disappoint you.”

I had her comments ringing in my ears as I laughed with my son in the department store. He is such a great kid, even though I have not done everything right – hardly anything, really. Noah recently told me that he loves his French teacher because she is “crazy, different, and perfectly nuts – just like you, Mom.” He will no doubt need therapy.

Perhaps instead of focusing on how our children disappoint us, it may be a good idea to acknowledge how we disappoint them.

Sometimes, while I listen to my children tell me a story, I am praying inside my mind for them. I ask God to put a hedge of protection around them and I pray against any evil that would seek to swallow them up. But then I ask God to give them courage and patience and integrity and stamina and kindness and compassion and honesty and … but often He reminds me:

“Wendy, I gave them you.” I’ve been charged with teaching them so much, not the least of which is how to tie a tie.

Help me, God, to consistently be the things I long for my children to consistently be. Give me the humility to ask for their forgiveness when I do disappointing things and the grace to forgive their mistakes. The rest I will trust to You.

Oh, and when Noah gives this girl the bear at the dance, could You prevent her from kissing him despite how irresistibly handsome and charming he is? It’s a little too soon, don’t You think?

Thou Shalt Not Covet

WENDY

STEVE.

So many questions, so little dime

Have you been following the first steps of President Obama? What an interesting two weeks, really. He has spoken with Muslim leaders around the world, he personally visited Republican congresspersons in order to acquire the support for his bailout plan (which was approved WITHOUT bipartisan support), he has ordered the closure of Guantanamo within a year, and ribbed the citizens of Washington D.C. for freaking out over a little snow and ice.

There were two other Presidents around last week, too. Click here to see a short video of President George H. Bush and President Bill Clinton interviewed together at the National Automobile Dealers Association meeting in New Orleans. They were both asked what the greatest regrets of their presidencies are, and their answers were interesting. Take the time to read.

What I was most interested in were Bill Clinton’s words (excerpt from the CNN article):

"presidents should share freely … the mistakes they made" with historians, because it teaches lessons. He said he shared problems during the lunch with Obama and the four living presidents, saying, "You want each new president to make new mistakes, not the same ones."

However you feel about Bill Clinton, these are some interesting words.

Here’s the thing, though, that I have felt all week as I have watched our new President. There is a sense of urgency in America right now. Perhaps it is motivated by fear, but it’s almost as if we do not have the time to ask questions or reflect on past mistakes or the stomach for more new mistakes (which, by the way, are completely necessary for learning). I think we are frightened by what’s happening economically. So what do we do with so many questions, but so little dime?

There are plenty of questions, and there always will be, but one thing Christians have learned from making plenty of mistakes, is to abandon outcomes and to trust God. We will not solve problems with being savvy or criticizing one another or by forcing solutions. We see the kingdom when we simply enter in. In His reality, everyone is fed without spinning, people are healed regardless of their health care provider and everyone learns from each others’ mistakes.

Neon and other naughtiness

Give this a read:

A.E. Stallings, Troilet on a Line Apocryphally Attributed to Martin Luther

Why should the Devil get all the good tunes,
The booze and the neon and Saturday night,
The swaying in darkness, the lovers like spoons?
Why should the Devil get all the good tunes?
Does he hum them to while away sad afternoons
And the long, lonesome Sundays? Or sing them for spite?
Why should the Devil get all the good tunes,
The booze and the neon and Saturday night?

It is true that Martin Luther took pub songs (drinking ditties) and put sacred lyrics to them - the very songs we sing today and defend as God's very best - but don’t get too alarmed. “Apocryphally” essentially means falsely or inauthentically – so Martin Luther did not really say any part of this. The authorship is not what I'm really interested in though - it's the sentiment, the idea, it espouses. Fascinating, isn’t it, that we believe WRONG to be more fun than RIGHT?

Resist the temptation to look at specifics (i.e. is neon really evil?) and hear the thinking instead. Why do we believe the Devil gets all the good tunes?