Communicating and other impossibilities

I have experienced two full weeks of difficulty with communication – both on my part and on the part of others. I was reflecting on this phenomenon last night and I realized that good communication (dare I hope for great communication?) is one of the hardest things to achieve.

When a bunch of folks, or just two married people, try to express themselves, we often forget all the unseen stuff that contributes to the words and style. Ego needs, past hurts, previous experiences, points of view, needs to be recognized (and the beat goes on and on….) all play a part in every word, facial expression and forms of body language that we use. It makes it hard to not only talk, but to understand, doesn’t it?

For me, I am having trouble communicating for a variety of reasons. My friend has died and I can’t quite get my arms around it, so I find myself being angry with unsuspecting living people who are surprised at my responses. I am surprised myself.

I have also been witness to a group of coaches that are so poorly communicating that chaos is ensuing – all because everyone must have his way in a fairly simply solved situation. It still surprises me how quickly things escalate to criticism, sarcasm and power-playing. BUT, if I am truthful, my inner scathing responses to what I perceive to be their outer scathing responses are contributing to the problem, not making peace. Ugh! Makes you want to live under a rock and never relate again.

SO, today, I am disallowing another two weeks of difficult talk by working on uncovering the stuff that contributes to it. If I know that I am grieving, maybe I should talk about that sadness and not transfer all my unsettled feelings into other conversations. Avoidance doesn’t really work, although I think backing away has its merits until self-control can be established.

I really do long to understand you, to really hear and absorb your ideas. I may not agree, but I can always extend the love and respect that you deserve.

On a side note: if you are a believer, I believe that we need to spend time praying for the people of Iran today. God is there and He is working – do not doubt it.