Not yet awake

I was really tired this weekend – the kind of in your bones tired that makes your arms heavy and your legs slow. I slept more than usual, but when I was awake, I spent a little time reflecting on last week’s camp experience.

Here’s the thing, and "the thing" is coming to me slowly, but this is what I’ve got so far. It is perfectly okay for me to have questions for the church, to force us to think about what in the world we are doing and why. It is not okay for me to ask those questions in an unloving way.

It is sort of my thing to ask questions, right? I honestly love a good question far more than a good answer. But what if I let questioning define me? What if it becomes who I am?

I used to ask the 20somethings that I pastored to ask themselves a simple fill-in-the-blank question:

Who would I be if I weren’t so _________________ ?

Take a second and imagine that someone who knows you well is right near you – a real friend - not the kind that just tells you what you want to hear for fear you won’t like him or her anymore and now imagine yourself asking this person what he or she would change about you if it were possible. Or, if someone is actually in the room - ask - but remember how much the truth hurts before you do such a thing, ok?

Let me help you out with some examples: Wendy, what would you be if you weren’t so IMPULSIVE (on the ledge)…OPINIONATED (which I often mask with the word passionate)….FUNNY (which often covers up my sarcasm).

You get the idea? There’s plethora of answers if you’re honest with yourself: lazy, afraid, self-absorbed, controlling, attention seeking, angry, addicted, sad, gifted…

What I think happens to us is we figure out our obstacles, but then we fall into the next trap. We choose the strategy of resisting these feelings instead of changing or replacing them. This eventually leads a person to ruin, because we simply can’t do it.

Ask yourself the question today. God Cog tomorrow.