I can feel it in my belly

Years ago, a dear friend of ours was arrested for drug trafficking. I originally met him through my husband, but he had by then become an integral part of the inner-city mission where I served and so he and I were close.

His background was heartbreaking having seen his father stabbed to death by a neighbor on his front porch when he was 12 years old. He had managed to use basketball to get to college, but his brothers became drug dealers in the city where our mission was. Upon graduation, he struggled to find a job and ended up making bad decisions. All this while he volunteered his time to work with me and the young troubled boys from the neighborhood where he grew up.

After learning of his arrest, Steve and I rushed to love him. I was privileged enough to spend lots of time with him while he awaited trial and during this time of real trouble, he put his faith in Jesus.

Here’s the rub though. Somehow he believed that God would have him declared, “Not guilty” at his trial. He sort of saw his new found faith as an escape route. I’ll never forget the day the foreman stood up to deliver a verdict. Despite my honest warnings, my friend sat at the table so confidently. I was pregnant with Noah at the time, and I can remember holding on to my belly simply unsure of how to pray or what to hope for. I knew my friend was different and I knew he was a wonderful guy who had made some terrible choices.

The foreman said, “Guilty,” and my heart sank, even though my friend was, in fact, guilty. I was so conflicted and yet I knew, cognitively, that there are natural consequences for wrongdoing. I know God saves our lives, but He allows us to face our consequences. I suspect He is helping us, and those around us, better understand His justice, even though it is so different than ours.

I was reminded of my friend when I read this article yesterday. Please take the time to read it. The truth often hurts, and I know God hurts with us.

Sometimes all you can do is hold your belly and pray.