Wrinkles and other good fortunes

I had lunch with a friend from high school a couple of weeks ago, and it started me on a mini obsession with how old I am. Not one of my usual neurotic preoccupations, however, but a reflection on what I have chosen to do with my life so far. At 41 years of age, I have sort of made it to the half-time buzzer (Lord willing) and I want to use the few minutes in the locker room to strategize improvement for the second half.

So, I started with looking back on my many mistakes. Too numerous to list here, one thing that pleases me is that these moments no longer cause me shame, but now encourage LEARNING. I couldn’t always say that, but God has saturated me in so much grace that I am free to admit my failings, refuse to be anchored by them, and point my feet in a new direction instead.

Then I pondered what I have done well. God has graciously given me gifts and abilities that have taken me to interesting places with interesting people. I smile as I remember how all of these moments and influences have shaped me and my perspective. I have been an actor, a pastor, an aspiring writer, a retail manager, a talk radio host, an Alzheimer patient advocate, an inner city mission director, a concrete shop receptionist, and most of all, a daughter, wife and mother. I am a walking and talking mosaic of people and experiences. God allowed every single place for a reason, if only to teach me, encourage me or humble me.

Also, I am once again asking myself what it is I dream about. Sometimes I think we believe that dreaming is an activity for our youth, but I would beg to differ. It took me a long time to realize that when I walk with God, even the dreams He gives me are sanctified and so I shouldn’t be afraid to explore them. “Think BIG,” God says, “World changing, even.” How cool is that?

So, here I am at half-time, exploring who I’ve been, content with who I am, and excited about who I will be. The Coach encourages me to stay on the team with my game face on - ‘cause who knows what position I will play before the final buzzer rings? It doesn’t matter – I’m all in.