Eye opening irritants

My son, J.J., spends his summers with red, bloodshot eyes. The first year this happened, I became worried about eye infections and chlorine and other medical journal possibilities. When his problem persisted, I took him to the doctor and discovered that there was another source of his problem – baseball dust. Already this year, and it is only late April, J.J. eyes look like something out of slasher film because the infield dirt that he plays in all the time is an irritant for him. His mother needs to buy some eye drops - a remedy to help him out a little.

Yesterday, I was sitting watching my older son’s travel team play. Yes, his arm is in a cast, but we have been sitting with these players and parents for years now and a strange sort of community has been formed. I wanted to be there.

During a particularly exciting part of the game, another mother asked me a question and I snapped at her. I mean, I totally expressed my frustration and the tension I was feeling (about all kinds of things, not just the baseball game) in my voice and I hurt her feelings – in front of others. It only lasted a nano second, but I still couldn’t get it back.

Everyone on the bleachers got quiet all of the sudden. I took a deep breath, and I apologized. I meant it, too. I asked her to forgive me and I admitted that I it had nothing to do with her. Another mom asked me if I was okay because it seemed so out of character. The whole thing made me sad.

I thought about that moment for a long time and I realized that part of my apology wasn’t true. This particular woman - the one I was harsh with – irritates me and that’s the truth. The things she says and the way she says them, get in my eyes and under my skin and they have for years. The moment on the bleachers was a build up over time and I decided to investigate why.

Here’s what I discovered: Many of the traits the woman possesses, the ones that irritate me the most, are ones that I know that I also possess. They are the very things that irritate me about ME, the things that I suspect irritate the people that are around me a lot. She’s loud (I’m loud), she’s free with her opinion (I’m free with my opinion), she’s hard on the players (inside my mind, I can be too), etc, etc, etc… You get the point. Even though we may not say the same things or think in the same ways – the very moments that I find irritating about her can reveal truth about me. With so much dust in my eyes, it’s no wonder I can’t see it all clearly.

I have decided to pray for both of us with intentionality in the days ahead. I suspect it may prove even more eye opening, or maybe even the remedy to help me out of this a little.