SALSA! evangelism

Every year my husband puts tomato plants in his box gardens. In the spring, it is exciting and hopeful to dig a hole for the small fruitless plants and Steve envisions a bountiful harvest as he tenderly places them into the ground.

The harvest does come, and Steve is psyched, but it is I who must figure out what to do with all these $^&#(*@ tomatoes every August. This year, I am making salsa.

I am experimenting with different recipes because I have become ambitious enough to actually do some canning, but want to discover my signature salsa before I start giving away jars of it at Christmas time. Should I only use the red tomatoes (we have golden ones too)? Should it be a mango or peach variety (we don’t grow either)? Is the cilantro too strong in this one? Red or white onion? What will I call my Mexican masterpiece?

I watched a movie that had salsa dancing in it over the winter. Man, it was cool. The way they moved and how free they looked. It is a very contagious dance that requires some seriously loose hips. People who grew up in white, suburban, evangelical churches usually have stiff hips, but I got up to try it anyway and it felt great.

I want my canned salsa to make people dance. The feeling it gives your tongue should inspire spicy hip action. One dip of the chip and people should yell, “SALSA!” and start shaking their sombreros.

People could come from far and wide to taste the dance inducing condiment and we’d have to widen the driveway. I’d look into hiring bands for the front yard, and the music and laughter would waft through the air as people danced with abandon. Lack of rhythm or dancing attire will be of no consequence, because SALSA! would be a movement that surpassed the superficial.

Soon others would discover that they, too, can make salsa. I will freely give the recipe away and parties would spring up all over the place. The better dancers, instead of insisting on spotlight dances, will happily teach the newbies their moves. Sounds and phrases would include, “I’d rather do this than anything else” and that would included fighting, and foreclosing and fast food. Tomatoes and world peace.

SALSA!