Yuo go defore me

We watched Noah finish 6th grade last night. The evening was called the “6th Grade Farewell” and there was a tear-jerking slide show at the end with pictures of the students from kindergarten until last week. Noah grew up right before my eyes.

One girl in his class was presented with an award for an essay she had written about growing up with dyslexia. The essay was so honest that I had a lump in my throat. She confessed what it was like to have a learning disability that switched everything around – letters, numbers and words reversed and out of order. She admitted how it felt to be different, but she ended her story with how much she appreciated when friends pointed out the mistakes in her writing - so that she could improve.

I sat there absorbing the lesson. How difficult it is to be corrected, isn’t it? Or criticized? It is such an uncomfortable thing, and the fact that most us of get defensive (whether on the outside or inside) is not surprising. This 6th grade girl, however, has decided to so recognize her need that feedback is welcome, even appreciated.

I receive feedback today differently than I did even one year ago. Being humbled is such a painful, but profitable, experience - yet so hard to grasp when it’s happening. Why is this? Our propensity to internally evaluate how everything and everyone affect how we feel, without recognizing the potential benefits of criticism, stunts our opportunity to grow. I know I can be so self-focused.

In Philippians it says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

This “way of Jesus” is so radically counter-cultural, it feels like living with dyslexia. How in the world are we supposed to see everything in reverse or in a way that opposes our natural inclinations? Sometimes, when I put others first, or let people reveal my blind spots, it feels so out of order – the temptation to satisfy my own desires or to utilize my defense mechanisms, seems like the right way to handle life.

Just like the young essay winner, there is a need to be recognized. Fact is, the world has gotten so far away from God and His ways, that we now have a learning disability. We no longer see things the way they really are – the way they were originally written – and we are all out of order. What we see, as plain as day, is often very mixed up, and we don’t even know it.

I admit I have spiritual dyslexia. I often get things turned around or do the opposite of what is right. Sometimes it’s because I simply do not see it clearly and, at other times, it is because I have refused and refuted the feedback that would help me see life for real – letters and meaning and other people in the right order. God often uses feedback to get me straightened out, teaching me to read myself and others once again, clearing up my vision. Now, if only my ears would consistently work.