Hunger

I had a strange thing happen yesterday. I was uncannily HUNGRY. Usually, I have breakfast with the kids, take whatever leftover is in the fridge to heat up at work, and then I eat dinner with my family. I am not really a snacker, and I do not eat before bed, but yesterday all bets were off.

Not only was my stomach growling, but my mind was preoccupied with food as well. At about 11 am, even though I did not yet know that this hunger phenomenon would last much longer, I decided to stop and think about WHY I felt this way.

I quickly erased possibilities like “skipped breakfast,” because I hadn’t. Boredom could not be blamed because I had a lot to do at work yesterday. I grasped at the ever-popular hormonal excuse, but since I was trying to be honest, it didn’t apply. As hard as it was, I finally faced that I was experiencing some sort of emptiness that longed to be filled up.

A quick personal survey revealed several empty possibilities – some I was willing to ponder and others made me tired just thinking about them. I don’t know about you, but moments like these create a restlessness within me and I don’t know whether to try and run from my own skin or brave the storm.

One thing I do know. When I was younger, I practiced avoidance, and as cliché as it sounds, after the temporary reprieve, the longing always grew worse. Lately, I am learning to celebrate the hunger, because one of the most frightening things that I can think of is God leaving me alone.

In many ways, my hunger brings me to a place of indigence, if I let it. Instead of feeding it, I can let myself be vulnerable and needy. God extends to me consistent peace, yes, but He also offers me healing and growth. Part of growing up is seeing where the trouble is. The process isn’t finished (even if I sometimes pretend it is) and so He brings me to these disturbed places to help me discover more Truth, more faith, more of Him.

I love it when God bugs me.