I witnessed something interesting yesterday. My boys had an afternoon baseball game and our team decided to play very well. During the fifth inning, they were winning by 8 runs. Our team was in the field, and the batter missed a pitch with a big swing. The other team had a base runner on first already and needed to play aggressive baseball, so off the runner went to steal second base. The catcher, who happened to be my son, JJ, threw hard to second base. What happened next is a little hard to explain, but suffice it to say that between our shortstop, second baseman and center fielder, we couldn’t seem to get control of the ball. It all was a little like watching the Keystone Cops.
The three boys in those positions started to laugh at themselves. They pointed at each other and giggled and patted each other with their gloves. They were having a lot of fun playing baseball, even though they had participated in a hilarious error-filled situation and the other team had successfully stolen second base.
The other team had an adult third base coach. He began to yell at our boys for laughing. Our boys did not hear a word he was saying, totally oblivious to anything but their own embarrassment and ribbing. Never one to just sit and watch, I eventually called to the coach (I was sitting nearby) and explained that they were not laughing at his team, but laughing at themselves. He blew me off, but he did stop yelling.
After the game, he approached me about the manners of our players. I listened, but explained that they were children having fun with each other and meant no harm to his team. We have been on our share of losing teams too, so I did feel some compassion for his frustration, but I was having difficulty understanding his point in this particular situation.
We jumped into the car. Noah, who had been playing 1st base, was bothered because of the things that their first base coach was saying to him. Apparently, that adult was ridiculing our entire community in my child’s ear, venting his frustration in a completely inappropriate place. I’m glad I wasn’t sitting on that side of the field. I may have had a few things for his ear.
Why is it so hard to lose?
No, really. I am intrigued as I watch people lose. I am intrigued as I watch myself lose. We blame and get mad and accuse and claim unfairness and pout. Why? What’s wrong with saying something like, “Boy, I really stunk today” or "I'm just not as good as you at this" or a simple, "You really did well today. Good for you." ???
4 comments:
Wendy,
"Why is it hard to lose?"
Because you then become a Loser. Our society today doesn't tolerate losing or mediocrity. We have become a mean society and sports is the place much of this anger is displayed. Because it's acceptable to yell at sporting events. So you now get yelling, or coaching that is unacceptable because that person or coach doesn't want to feel like a loser. Some never learn that some days you will lose the game but that doesn't make you a loser. They think "I lose, therefore, I am a Loser."
They didn't learn, as I did from a wise baseball man, that you win 60, you lose 60 and it's the other 42 that decide how good you are at baseball. Not at life. Your beloved Phillies won 92 games this year, and my beloved Jamie Moyer was credited with 16 of those wins. That means they are in the playoffs. That also means they lost 70 games. Do those 70 games matter to them now? I'd bet even the loss last night doesn't matter much to them, because they get to play tonight, and that is on their minds.
That same wise baseball man also taught me that the most important thing in a baseball game is the next pitch. After it is thrown, it is ancient history. Good baseball players have short memories. Unfortunately most people do not.
So you end up with a coaching staff coaching their team of 11 year-olds about winning and not about baseball. If you worry about playing baseball, the winning and losing will take care of itself. Kind of like life.
If you take care of living as Christ, life takes care of itself.
Steve in Central CA
P.S. I'll explain about Jamie Moyer another time.
Sorry the line should read:
If you take care of living as Christ-like as you can, life takes care of itself.
Mea Culpa
Why is it so hard to lose?
I have twin daughters who are competitive. One is extremely competitive. They have had essentially identical life experiences, but when they were still in the womb, one wasn’t getting enough blood flow. The doctors told us that she would be extremely under weight or might not make it at all. Then at about 30 weeks she started to grow at an accelerated rate and eventually weighed 5 pounds 10 ounces at birth. I wonder if her competitiveness now is because she wasn’t getting enough nutrition back then. Maybe somewhere deep inside our psyche, winning or losing is the difference between surviving or not.
But what if God infused competitiveness into my daughter at conception, before she didn’t have enough blood flow? What if that’s the reason she fought so hard to survive in the first place? What if God wants us all to be ultra-competitive, and have motivation to win and/or not to lose? I think he does, but not just to win baseball games. He wants us to use our natural competitiveness to win our marriages and to win against poverty and hunger. And when we do lose, He wants to use that pain to draw us back to Him. Perhaps then, somewhere deep inside, losing is separation from God.
Let me throw out one more theory. Losing is less fun than doing the dishes, and that’s all there is to it.
And maybe when we refuse to let kids lose at an early age (don't keep score, wouldn't want to damage the small childs ego...make sure the 5th place team gets a trophy too) we do a huge disservice to kids. By making sure everyone WINS, we don't teach kids HOW to lose.
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